Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Bitch, Fix Me a Chicken Pot Pie... No, never mind...

Some observations on my failed marriage...

1. If I have to explain a joke, that don't mean it ain't funny. It means you're too stupid to get it.
2. If I explained to you that a sales opportunity is a pyramid scheme, the right answer is not "it's an octagon."
3. The pics you put on the internet of your tits must make your son proud.
4. The small penis remark was uncalled for. You spent a lot o
f time sore during our time together, even with that big sloppy genitalia.
5. The women I'm dating now don't complain about my sexual abilities or attributes. They aren't nearly as loose though.
6. Insurance fraud is a felony.
7. Wire fraud is a federal felony.
8. I Love You, but only if I'm happy with you is kind of controlling.
9. You're a narcissist. Like your mother and grandmother.
10. My family is much happier when I show up at functions without you.
11. That laugh drives people bugshit.
12. I made it a point to defend you against so many people. I regret it now.
13. Purple cabbage has no place in a chicken pot pie. Bitch.
14. Your control over me is slipping. This is why you're talking shit in public.
15. You have a martyr complex. This situation is built for you.
16. I wish I had all the energy back I wasted trying to make you happy.
17. When you called my son to tell him about our breakup before I did, you damaged my relationship with him badly.
18. Fake people have an image to maintain. Real people just don't give a shit. I know you're somewhat limited, so let me explain. I'm the real person.
19. If you bitch about always having to do the dishes, the least you could have done was get them clean. And the dishwasher I hooked up... Was it better on your psyche to NOT use it so you could bitch so much? 
20. To whomever she's backing that thing up for now, that scar on her ass crack is where they removed the tail. That getcha warmed up, ya putz?

I'll come up with more later. You ain't on my list, but I'm sure someone will pass this on to you. I really didn't ask for this, but so help me, I will give you a fight like you've never dreamed of. I'm past sad, past disappointed, and way past you. You have poked the bear for too long. Here come the teeth. Stop your controlling, conniving, pity Leanna thing. And get some friggin therapy.

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